17. Making time for our creative passions
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[00:00:00] Welcome to Mom Writes First: Empowering Busy Moms
[00:00:00] Welcome to Mom Writes First, the podcast that helps busy moms reach their writing goals. I'm Jen Larimore. I'm a mom of five, a lawyer turned life coach, And I'm writing my very first book. I want to help you reach your writing goals too.
[00:00:21] The Power of Leveraging Your Mom Superpower
[00:00:21] If you're a mom who wants to jumpstart her journey as a writer, then you have to head over to my website, momfirstcoaching.
[00:00:29] com, and take the free quiz there. That quiz is going to show you How to take your mom's superpower, you know, that characteristic that makes you an absolutely incredible mom to your kids, and then leverage that characteristic so that you can reach your writing goals. Again, the website is momfirstcoaching.
[00:00:52] com forward slash quiz.
[00:00:55] Making Time for Your Goals: More Than Self-Care
[00:00:55] Now on to today's episode.
[00:00:59] Jen: [00:01:00] Hello and welcome to today's episode of mom writes. First. I am so glad that you're here. And I'm so glad that you're making time and space. For your own goals. As a mom, it's important that you do that. This isn't just about self care. This isn't just about whatever your goal is. This is about setting an example for your kids. Showing them, what is possible? Teaching them that even though you're a mom. Even though you're a parent, you are still a multifaceted, incredible creative human. Your kids deserve to know that that is possible for them. And they'll know that if they see you do it I am so proud of you for being here for taking time to listen to this podcast and for taking time and giving energy. To your passion [00:02:00] around writing.
[00:02:00] Today.
[00:02:01] Busting the 'Too Busy' Myth: A Deep Dive
[00:02:01] Jen: I want to talk to you about time.
[00:02:04] Specifically why you might not be taking time. Out of the day for your own personal creative passions. Like writing. And I want to chat with you a little bit about what we can do about that.
[00:02:20] I want to first acknowledge that as you hear me say that. And as you hear me talk about time. You might feel like wait, Chen, I am actually really busy right now. I am a mom. Maybe I have a job. I have demanding kids. They have a lot going on in their life. They're going to all the activities. And I want you to know, I know. I get it.
[00:02:44] I seek you. I see that. I see your plate. I know how full it is.
[00:02:51] A lot of people expect a lot of things from you. A lot of humans are counting on you. I know what it's [00:03:00] like to feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. I know what it's like to think. I am way too busy for that. But then I realized what a problem, all that busy buzz really is. And in fact, I do everything I can. To avoid using that word busy anymore. Whenever I catch myself saying it whenever I catch myself telling myself or telling other people about how busy I am. I know it's a time for me to take a moment. Breathe a little bit. Maybe get coached. I kind of like going for a tune-up. And here's why. Saying that you are too busy. Is a thought. And I promise you. That it really is just a thought.
[00:03:45] It's a sentence that's running through your brain often on autopilot. Often in the background where you don't even hear it. I talked to so many women who are like, I have to have the TV on, or I have to have the radio on, or I have to have YouTube on playing in the background [00:04:00] just for noise. But that thought I'm too busy.
[00:04:03] That's just like that. It's just playing back there in the background.
[00:04:07] I promise you that no matter what you have going on saying that you're too busy really is just a thought. And it matters that it's just a thought because it is a thought. That is standing in your way.
[00:04:21] Here's how it works. My friends, and this is just regular old, plain old cognitive behavioral theory. Thoughts create your feelings, your feelings, drive your behaviors. And that is what gives you the results that you have in your life? The thought that you have about being too busy for your writing. Is just a thought. It is not a fact. It is not truth. It might be a belief because you have thought at so much. And so it's a thought that you feel really strongly about. But it is still just a thought.
[00:04:59] And I know [00:05:00] that you're ready to say no, Jen, you just don't get it.
[00:05:03] I really, really am. That busy.
[00:05:07] Or maybe you're thinking. You know what Jen you're right. For the most part. But right now, this really truly is a very busy season of my life, or it's a particularly busy week.
[00:05:19] I've heard it all before, and I've said it all before myself. And then I stopped saying it because I realized that when I was saying that I was too busy. I was really, truly keeping myself in this place of victim hood. It made me a victim of others and of my circumstances. And it prevented me from taking action on the things that I want in my life.
[00:05:43] It was a super convenient excuse. for avoiding things that made me uncomfortable, like setting boundaries, Also super for avoiding things that made me uncomfortable, like going after my big goals. And then I realized that this idea that I was busy, very busy [00:06:00] all the time. I was a trap. a, trap that was holding me back from taking the action that I said that I wanted to take in my life.
[00:06:10] Exploring the Busy-ness Feeling and Its Impact
[00:06:10] Let me tell you a little bit about what I mean. What happens? When you tell yourself I'm too busy. How do you feel. We say that thought. Out loud.
[00:06:21] I am too busy to do that. I am too busy to write my book. I am too busy to journal today. I am too busy to go on a walk. I am too busy to read to my kids to spend time with my family. I am too busy. How do you feel. I feel a little bit angry. To be honest right now. Just saying that. I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, maybe hopeless, tired, irritable. And when I feel like that, you want to know what I definitely don't do.
[00:06:52] I definitely don't do any of those things that I said I don't. Write my book. I don't journal. I don't [00:07:00] go for a walk. I don't spend time with my family. I don't write the poetry that I've started writing that I absolutely love,
[00:07:06] I bet the same is true for you. Ask me how I know. I know because I coach women just like you on this very same thought.
[00:07:15] I have coached hundreds of hours and I am telling you. That you're not a unicorn. Neither am I. That a lot of us think the same thoughts. And when we think those thoughts, we react in the same way. Of course, we're all a little bit different. There's a little bit of nuance. But at the end of the day, We're not feeling very good about the thoughts that we think.
[00:07:38] And then we don't take the action that we actually want to take in our life.
[00:07:43] The thought I am too busy. Drives your feeling towards overwhelm frustration, anger, irritability, whatever it is for you. And then that creates your action. Meaning you do not get done. What you actually say that you want to get done. You see how that works. It's like a [00:08:00] loop now.
[00:08:01] If you have that thought I'm too busy. I want you to know number one, it is not surprising.
[00:08:07] Okay. It's not like there's something wrong with you. Of course. You have that thought it is a very convenient thought to have. We don't have to do anything uncomfortable when we're busy. And it is also a little bit of a status symbol.
[00:08:20] when I became a mom, one of the things I saw was how often moms would tell me how busy they were and they would tell me it. A little bit like as a point of pride. But you don't have to wear that busy badge anymore. Instead. I want you to think of this podcast and my offer to you of like the information I am providing here to you as a opportunity to take back your power. The thing that is stopping you from making time for your quick eight of passions, like writing. Is not a lack of time. It is your thought that you don't have enough time. And if you take a moment to think [00:09:00] about it, I bet that this thought that you don't have enough time stops you from doing a lot of things.
[00:09:06] Whether it's writing. Whether it's taking care of yourself, whether it's moving your body in a joyful way, whether it is finding time to be just very silly with your kids. This kind of thought is called a limiting belief. It's a thought that you've practiced and thought so many times that you think it's true.
[00:09:26] You don't even question it. Maybe you've thought this particular thought for decades, maybe you have seen it modeled for you by others. It is nefarious and sneaky. And it stops you from living the life that you want the life you really, really want.
[00:09:44] Now I could tell you. All you need to do is change your thoughts. Just swap in. A new thought for that thought. I'm too busy. And in fact, that's what a lot of coaches say and do, and will tell you to do, but that kind of thought [00:10:00] switching or thought hacking is only going to get you so far. Now that doesn't mean it doesn't have value. It just means its value is kind of limited. You might address the immediate issue. You might have some success doing that even, but you're not going to address the root problem.
[00:10:18] And in fact, sometimes it can feel a little bit like we're gaslighting ourselves or not really listening to ourselves. And then that eats away at how we trust ourselves. And then that, that eats away at our self-confidence. And eventually we can even start to internalize that as a way, like where we're not really feeling like we believe ourselves and we start to question our own self integrity in our own self-worth. And that kind of sucks.
[00:10:45] So maybe let's not do that.
[00:10:48] Instead, what I want to offer to you here today. And what I do with my clients, my coachees, when they come to me with this kind of limiting belief is [00:11:00] we take a moment. Before we just try to swap out the thoughts, right? Instead. We try to dive in a little bit and kind of explore. And that helps us. Uh, over time to really understand and address the issue so that we can take action. Surely to create that kind of life that we want.
[00:11:19] One where we don't feel so busy.
[00:11:22] Powerful Questions to Challenge the 'Too Busy' Belief
[00:11:22] So here's some questions that I might ask as we explore the thought.
[00:11:26] does the feeling of busy-ness show up in your body? What does it feel like? How would you describe that feeling if you had to describe it to somebody, how would you describe it?
[00:11:37] What's hard about being busy. And what's easy about it. If you didn't think the thought that you were too busy, what would be different?
[00:11:46] And what part of something being different? Are you maybe a little afraid of.
[00:11:53] What would it mean about you? If you weren't When are you not too busy? When do you have time? How is it serving [00:12:00] you? To think that you are too busy.
[00:12:04] Where are some of the other places. That the thought I'm too busy shows up for you. Is it always true that you're busy.
[00:12:13] When is it not true? What do you actually want to believe here? What else could be possible for you?
[00:12:21] If you throw away. The thought I'm too busy. What thought would be most honoring of you?
[00:12:31] What do you want to embrace when it comes to this thought?
[00:12:36] What do you want to let go of when it comes to this thought I'm too busy. As we go through the process of exploring this thought, this belief. Via the avenue of powerful inquiry. We start to see that it really truly is number one, just a thought. Number two, it's not truth. And number three, there are other perspectives here. [00:13:00] And when we start to uncover that, particularly with the questions around what to embrace and let go of. We can start to see what the coachee or client really wants instead. And from there. We can identify other thoughts that will better serve us and practice those.
[00:13:18] We can also start to see some of the underlying patterns sometimes. So for me, the thought right now around I'm too busy. To do my podcast or I'm too busy to write. My book is actually a thought that I use to try to protect myself. It's a thought that I use to not show up. In the way that I say that I want to show up in this world, it's an excuse. It's an excuse.
[00:13:48] I use to protect myself from the fear I have around failure. The fear I have around judgment, the fear I have around success.
[00:13:57] And that's a lot to [00:14:00] acknowledge. Honestly, it's a lot to acknowledge publicly on this podcast. And. It's my lived truth right now.
[00:14:09] When I am at my best.
[00:14:12] When I'm not letting fear, hold me back. When I'm not listening. To those voices that tell me that I am unworthy. Then. The thought that really helps me to write. Even when I feel overwhelmed, even when I feel like I am too busy. The thought that most helps me in those situations right now is what is the most important thing? For me. To do right now. Or put differently. What do I want my priority to be right now? This kind of a question, drops me back into the space of my values and it reminds me. That I have already decided. That making [00:15:00] space and time for my creativity, my passions, my writing. Is a priority. And one that I want to honor. You can make this kind of a shift to,you will be surprised about how much time you have. Once you stop telling yourself you have no time.
[00:15:22] Taking Action: How Coaching Can Transform Your Life
[00:15:22] My aim with sharing all of this with you is so that you can have an understanding. For how coaching can help with this kind of a problem feeling too busy. You can use these questions above. To guide yourself to coach yourself. But I also want to offer to you. That there isn't a substitute for having a professionally trained coach, hold the space for you and ask you these questions. And help you down that road.
[00:15:53] If you are ready to go first with this work and finally put down the batch of busy-ness [00:16:00] so that you can make space for your passion, your creativity, your writing.
[00:16:05] Join the Journey: How to Connect and Share
[00:16:05] Then I hope that you'll come to my website. Mom first coaching.com. And find out all the ways there in which I can support you.
[00:16:14] Hey, it's Jen here. Listen, if this podcast resonates with you, then would you please do me a favor? Number one, share it with somebody else. It's up to each of us to empower each other on this journey, and that's one of the values that I am trying to Really hard to live into as part of this podcast. So please, if this podcast resonates with you, share it with a friend who it might help to number two, it would mean so much to me.
[00:16:45] If you would leave me a rating and review on Apple podcast or on Spotify, because that will help other people find this show to third. And finally, I want to invite you to get on board. Signed up for my absolutely free [00:17:00] newsletter, not spam. It's not salesy. I just want to support you in your writing goals.
[00:17:06] Head over to momfirstcoaching. com and you'll find a link there where you can easily sign up. Thank you so much for listening to this episode in case nobody has told you today, you are a beautiful, resourceful, whole, creative human being. You are not broken. You are an incredible writer. Keep on writing. I will see you next time.
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